Yesterday was my flatmate birthday. He is a burly, gourmet-cooking, food-engineering college student. His dad is away on business. So I wasn't expecting him to come home early or at all. Went to bed at around 10:30. Hour and a half later I was awoken by a loud carnival of maybe 10 college students that he had invited over a for night of partay! Alas, I did not partake of the festivities, firstly because I don't drink or smoke and loud parties aren't my idea of fun, secondly because I'm quite shy and they we're all people I didn't know, and thirdly because I had an early class today and wanted to get as much sleep as possible. Why yes I am nerd, thanks for noticing. Anyway, at some point after they we're partying, someone entered my room (I don't lock it). I assumed it was my flatmate, since I had my back to the door. He shook me and I turned to find some odd dude siting by my bed. He seemed shocked and a bit embarrased, probably of finding another man, where he expected some passed out chick. Without a word he got up and hurried out of my room. I resumed my efforts to try to sleep in spite of the noise. Some undeterminate time after that I heard a woman's voice "Let's see who's in here". Again I was shaken awake, this time by a girl of whom I only remember she was wearing glasses. She said "hello" and I groggily said hello back. She asked me who I was and I told her my name. She then left by saying she would lock the door so I wouldn't be disturbed. I think I may have said "mmmmkay" or something to that effect and went back to my very disturbed sleep. After that I would sometimes hear someone knock or try to open the door, ignored it and tried to sleep again. They kept at it until the wee hours in the morning, right before I had to get up and get ready for class. When I did I found people sleeping on the couch, on a matress in the kitchen, using my flatmate's dad's room. Very quietly I proceeded to wash, get dressed and make breakfast for myself. Went out the door without waking anyone.

So that was it, a very interesting experience (at least for me) of a college party.

Thanks to my friend alare

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I'll respond by asking you five questions so i can get to know you better.
Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions

My answers to questions asked by alare



1. Do you go to church?
No I don't, except when it's a family ocassion, like a marriage or a funeral or something like that. And those times, I sit quietly and don't engage in the activities.

2. What do you want to do with your life?
I wanna rock!
Rock!
I wanna rock!
Rock!
I want to rock!

Ha ha! JK. What I want is to work in or with libraries, any and all kind of libraries, from now until I croak. I also want to be able to have time for myself to do stuff that's inconsequential but that makes me feel good.

3. have you had any regrets?
Of course. It's like, a regret a day. I always regret feeling so constrained and always feel like I could have done, said things better.

4. how many tats do you have?
Three, one on my back and one in each of my wrists.

5. who are you closest to?
My mom. Though I don't share everything with her.

I'm slowly, very slowly getting some sense of control. I don't feel as anxious as before, emphasis on the "as". I still wake up pretty early and my dreams are littered with thoughts that run each other over and over, like a broken record.

It's just that this whole period, even up to three months from now, is an adjustment. I'm living with a friend of my parents, but that is only temporary, it's really more of a favor than anything else. They are going to move to a smaller apartment around the end of the year, and I leave for holidays on December 20th. By that point I need to have found a room to rent.

This whole week, I've been going around the city, visiting apartments and houses. Some are too small, some are big, some are pricy, some are so cheap as to raise suspicion, some are family houses, some are student dorms, some are pretty some are ugly. Still haven't found something ideal for me, which would be a nice family house that will let me use their kitchen, let me put a PC and with an Internet connection. Major pluses, if it's not too costly and if it's near the University.

Reading is a major relaxant, as it takes my mind off such worldly and weary subjects. And I have quite a bit of reading to do. I took a class this semester called "Literature 101" and the teacher is a science-fiction fan! How cool is that? He even started the class by saying he's re-reading "The Left Hand of Darkness"! Plus, he's this crazy, joyous character that injects you with entusiasm so I'm quite looking forward to his classes.

That is, if we do get classes. The University is state-owned, and in latin-american public universities the climate is always conflictual. Recently, the government decided to cut funding to public education, so I've seen protests and marches and flash-bombs and tear gas and police tanks spraying water on students. Hopefully, the problems won't escalate or else I might have to go home sooner than planned.

Week 3: Settling and searching.

Week 2 and it's getting better. I still sometimes feel like a slob or a loser for spending so much time inside, but what else am I gonna do? I wasn't much for going out even in my hometown. Hey, at least I'm exercising now, with the swimming, so that's a bit of progress.

Classes have already started, still can't say if they will be too hard or not, but there's a lot of reading involved. Most of my classmates are alright, though there's a bunch of them that I feel aren't really into the career and the profession, they just wanna be college students. I'm one of the oldest, and no way of denying it, with this premature baldness of mine.

Nights are a bit better now, though I'm still waking up pretty early. I miss my mom the most, how she always was there for me. She calls me every other day to make sure I'm alright and that is big comfort for me, having just passing friends here.

Quarter of the way, of this first time away from home: Making it through.

Still haven't gotten the hang of it. I'm glad that the insmonia is decreasing, but I'm still lost. Like today, I was doing the dishes, and the home-owner, a friend of my dad's, flips out because I'm using my own sponge. I like to use my own sponge, so I can be sure of how I clean it and that it's apart from the cooking process. He doesn't like that, thinks that I'm offending him by rejecting his own sponge and then gives me the talk. He says we all live in a household and we all have to pitch in, that if I wanted I could make my own, separate life, separate food, separate dishes, separate everything, but that that wasn't his style. What I wanted was separate something, I could buy my milk and eggs and bread, and be sure that noone would eat them, so I could be set for the entire month. But then again, I do cook and eat the stuff that is in their freezer and pantry, so it wouldn't be fair. Since he's not charging me anything to live here, I recanted and said OK, we'll do things your way, hopefully there won't be anymore mishaps.

What really drives me bonkers is deciding what to do. Should I use this chicken that's inside the freezer? Should I cook some rice? Should I use this fruit to make juice? You know, I don't mind doing any of that stuff, but I'm always walking on eggshells, feeling like I'm gonna do something wrong and I'm gonna be scolded for it.

Nevertheless, there are some good moments. Yesterday I went swimming in the university pool. Haven't had a swim in years, and boy was I out of shape! I couldn't swim half the shortest distance without panting heavily and needing a rest. But it was good. And today I went for a walk around a little hill, got to see a lot of the city from up high.

Week 1/8 before I go home for the holidays: still adjusting.

Homesickness has begun to hit me. I didn't think it would, but there you go. I'm immensely stressed out by wether or not I'll be able to take care of myself, and if I don't, I worry about letting everyone down, including myself. I'm worried about doing something wrong and fucking everything up. I'm still trying to get the hang of living in a new house, specially what to do with all my free time, I feel like I'm cowering inside, just reading or surfing the web. Maybe I should get out more, but I don't know a lot of people here and everything is still new and daunting. I also have troube sleeping, not helped by all the buses and cars that speed by until very late and since very early. Last night was particularly horrendous, I woke up at 1:30 AM and only slept sporadically, waking up to to cold sweats and anxiety attacks.

I came here to try and change myself, but so far, it's been really hard. Change isn't gonna happen overnight, but I feel like in limbo, neither here nor there. I feel like a lost child, hoping somebody will come and say "do this, do that". Is this normal?

I'm already on my new place, staying with a friend of my dad's. He lent me his computer, so I'm not all that disconnected. First night in a new bed, and now I'm making lunch for myself. This city is bright, sunny and way more warm than Bogotá. I used to wear turtleneck sweaters, but now I wear t-shirts. Not much to tell, but I think this song is quite appropiate:



:)

Andy se largó pensando "Peor que en casa nunca estaré"
Andy se piró del barrio, buscando a qué o a quien tenerle fe
Y su corazón extraño, dando vuelta en el parquet
Ya ha sufrido mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho daño
Ya es momento de largarse a correr

Ahí voy, aún siento esa sensación
Ahí voy, ese touch en el alma
Ahí voy, irse por primera vez,
las cosas no cambiaron tanto

Ahí voy, con mis muertos, con mi dolor
Ahí voy, la vista adelante
Ahí voy, cayendo en la tentación
las cosas no cambiaron tanto






Lyric by Fito Paez

Tomorrow, I will be catching a bus and it will take me to another city, where I will go to college once again and remain there at least for four years. This is it, leaving the nest, breaking away. I will have to fend for myself, though with the support of friends, I won't be under the nice comfort of home. I will have to build my own home, out any little space I can get.

So, things will most likely change in this here blog, I won't be able to take pictures anymore, and I won't be able to post as much, maybe at all. I will try to read what you guys and girls post, but ocassionally I will get behind on my reading list. However, if any of you feels like talking anytime, you can always message me here or leave me a comment.

Ok, that was it, I leave you with the last batch of pictures.

( bye, bye my friend goodbye )